Joy

Today I woke up happy for the first time since I lost my job.  I still had the slow realization of unemployment that descends every morning, but it was not accompanied by the usual wash of grief and desire to immediately pull the covers over my head and go directly back to sleep.  Instead,  I got out of bed, the pajamas still stayed on all day, but, well... baby steps.

The lack of gainful employment still buzzes in the back of my head like a low frequency television static all of the time carrying with it the worries about money, career opportunities, gaps in my resume and an occasional drift into “what if I become homeless, lose my family and end up a hobo traveling the rails?” But I am working on staying away from negative thoughts….specifically those thoughts of the "hobo" persuasion. Instead I am choosing to focus on the things that bring me joy instead.

I have recently been intrigued by the minimalist movement – surrounding yourself with only what you need and what brings you joy.  I began looking at this idea months before I was laid off.  The basic premise is that, in modern western society, we simply have too much – too much stuff, too much entertainment, too much food, too much activity…just TOO much and most of what we have does not bring us joy.  Even more tragic, most of what we have we don’t even use.  Instead we have busy, hectic lives filled with items we don’t need, want or love that cost us money, space and energy stealing our joy and preventing us from appreciating what will truly bring satisfaction.

About 2 months ago I started minimizing my life.  I started slow and small and in an unexpected place – with television. Though this was not a new concept for me, I grew up most of my life without TV, I have had satellite since my mid-twenties and the sound of the TV has become a sort of background soundtrack to my life.  But around the time I started looking into minimalism, my husband took a new position and began school.  This shift meant a change in our lives that included significantly less time to hang out watching the big screen as most recreational time was now consumed with studying.  So we decided to get rid of our satellite.  That one small decision brought so much relief and freedom from something I didn't even realize I was a slave to – no more fighting the pull of TV to get work done, no more paying for satellite boxes that sat in empty rooms with nobody watching the programming, no more $200 satellite bill each month – I decided that simplifying and minimizing needed to happen in every area of my life.

Next to go was the satellite radio, the expensive car washes, 5$ a day designer coffee's, and most recently I have started going through my entire house with the help of Marie Kondo’s book "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" and keeping only that which serves a purpose and brings me joy. If you have not read this book, get it immediately, you wont be sorry.

Going through every nook and cranny of my life has been quite an undertaking and I am not even close to being finished, but I don’t have a job, so I have quite a lot of time on my hands right now.

This morning when my husband left for work, I kissed him good bye and, instead of pouring myself a morning glass of wine, I grabbed my books and coffee to do some reading.  My son grabbed his book and joined me in the back yard.  Before the summer began we all agreed to read one book a week – my husband reads his textbooks (for now), and my son and I choose books that bring us joy and read them- a little bit each day.   As I sat with the morning sun warming my body, and watching those I love reading, studying and growing, listening to the sounds of our quiet neighborhood and nature around me, it hit me – even though I loved my job, it was quite possibly the best job I ever had, maybe….just maybe it’s usefulness in my life to bring me joy had come to an end.  There were signs.  Work had become increasingly tense, there were issues with administration and management, I spent a great deal of time crying after specific exchanges and I was exhausted.  If I was honest, though I loved many of my co-workers, my job had not brought me much joy in recent months.  So I decided to sit down, write a letter of thanks to all of the co-workers that had brought so much light into my life, thank them for the opportunity and close my work account- it was time to tidy up this part of my life, and let it go.

I still have unanswered questions, hurt and sadness but I know they will fade as I continue to surround myself only with things that bring me joy.  And that transformation is happening slowly – from my closets, to my car, to my work.  Life is too short to be burdened by anything short of the miraculous.  And today I have had miracles aplenty.