I Did My Best

I was fired this week.  Ok, I was “let go”….which is just the chicken shit version of being fired.  It is rather akin to a bad break up.  Done over Facebook.  Or on text message.  Or, as it was in my personal situation, over e-mail, with absolutely no explanation.  As I said, chicken shit.  

When you get a sucker punch from life, you rarely get a warning. I certainly didn't see it coming. The year had been stressful, of course, but what teacher arrives in May without being a little frazzled? I think that this picture really says it best: 

But still, gazing out at the promised land of summer vacation, I didn't think unemployment was going to be something I had to deal with. We lost our principal in the middle of the school year and had no administrative head of school for nearly 4 months. That situation alone contributed significantly to my alcohol intake. But, we managed. I have several years of teaching experience and in addition to my masters degree, I have completed all the course work for an educational administration license so I did what I could to step up and help the school admin. team. The school I taught in was only a few years running and relatively small, so I was able to help in a real way - a feeling I had not experienced in larger organizations. I participated in a committee to help hire a new school leader, I organized the school graduation ceremony and put together the school's first prom - with (most of the time) willing help from Mr. W and kiddos. But I loved my job, so I was willing to do whatever it took. After going through a chaotic year, muscling through the interview process and then fighting for the candidate that we most desired, it came as quite a shock when that candidate, newly hired for the last two weeks of school, decided to cut me loose. 

I cannot adequately express how much the experience sucks balls. The email was my own personal "Dear John" from the job I loved so dearly. The experience is not something I would wish on anyone, however, I was so ill prepared to deal with the fallout, I feel that I should pass along any garnered wisdom I have gained if you should ever find yourself in this same hapless experience. Though not extensive, these tips come from what I learned when the professional "bottom dropped out," so to speak.

1.        Get yourself to a private place where you can cry your damn eyes out.

This is going to happen, and you do NOT want it to happen in front of the folks that just canned your ass, so muster whatever dignity you have left and get yourself to a place where you can ugly cry for as long as necessary.  It is going to be a Dane Cook “I did my best” kind of cry – if you haven’t seen that particular stand-up routine, watch it here: Dane Cook: I did my best, because this is how things are going to go down.  So empty your desk as quickly as you can and don’t expect help, eye contact or goodbyes – when you lose a job everyone thinks that it is “catching” and they are going to keep their distance from the “unemployment virus.”  This part hurts like hell, but just power through – worse things have happened to better people.  You CAN empty your desk.  Do it and get out of there as soon as you can.

2.       Refrain from ANY communication with your workplace at this point.

You are going to be hurt, betrayed and angry i.e.  NOT in the best frame to be communicating with professional colleagues you may need reference letters from in the future.  Do NOT email, call, Skype, meet with or in any other way engage with your workplace at this pivotal moment.  Not only will you most likely say something desperate, angry and emotional, but your face is going to look like Kim Kardashians “cry face” and that is not the final impression you want to leave. Dignity people.

 

3.       Don’t start looking for jobs the day you are terminated.

This is a piece of advice that I did not follow and I should have.  When I found out I no longer had a job, I immediately went online and started filling out every application I could find.  There are so many reasons why this is a bad idea, but basically your mind is disheveled and you will end up filling out applications 2 and 3 times before you get them right and every time you come to the “reason you left your previous job” box, you will burst into tears.  And crying while filling out job applications is bordering on pathetic.  Dignity, remember?     

4.       Plan to take a few days to wallow.

This was another piece of advice I didn’t follow and ended up spiraling into depressive state that ultimately extended my “wallow” time.  Instead of denying yourself this indulgence, accept it and get supplies.  You will need: tissues (you will still be crying off and on), bottles of wine – and be realistic, the regular sized bottles are not going to do it, you are going to need the magnums, you know the giant, gallon looking bottles that they sell at Sam’s or Costco.  You’ll need your comfort food of choice, some comfy pajamas, and a subscription to a streaming video site or a bunch of DVD’s.  Your bedroom is going to be your healing cocoon for a few days. Light scented candles, let your puppies sleep on your bed next to you, listen to music you love.  Anything that makes your heart feel a little lighter.

5.       It is going to get better.

I know.  I want to punch people right in their face when they tell me this, but I have to believe it is true.  Maybe not today, or next Tuesday, but it WILL get better.  I know this because every time I have faced a devastating blow in my life, it has taken a while, but it has gotten better - so really, I am operating on precedent here.

Every morning when you wake up for one brief moment you still won’t remember that you are unemployed, and then it is going to come crashing down again.  You are going to want to replay everything, from all the many ways you showed your hard work and dedication to the moment you got the email, or pink slip or Facebook message that brought you to this sad morning.  Try not to do this – I know it is easier said than done.  But get up, get your coffee, step outside and smell the morning air, pray, snuggle with your animals, do yoga, take a walk, meditate, drink some water – it WILL get better.  I am saying this as one in the trenches with you, currently writing this in my pajamas, while wallowing in my bedroom sipping on my second glass of wine at two in the afternoon and trying to figure out if I can turn blogging into a legitimate job while desperately trying not to check employment sites for the third time today.  But I have hope, not much, but just a tiny kernel and that is enough.  I know it is hard, and it sucks just so incredibly bad, but I did, after all, lose a job – NOT a limb, a child or my life.  It is a shitty blow, but not the end of the road, simply a bend I didn’t foresee.  And, as my favorite coffee mug of late says, oh, so poetically, “Britney survived 2007.  You can handle today.”  Chin up.